July 26, 2005

Eleven things I've Learned:

Lately, my nights are hard enough. And now, so are my days.

Controversy and dissapointment seem to follow me wherever I go. There was the Quark episode. Then there was the infamous Graduate School debacle. Now there is my current associations:

Bad press has been hit from the local (Santa Barbara), and state (San Jose) levels, and has now been printed from Coast to Coast regarding the latest installment of the Todd Roeth vs. the real world game.

After a 3 1/2 hour meeting with our president tonight, i have come to, or have been reinforced to these conclusions:

1. The business of sales is a curse to humankind, and will try my best to always stay far away from it.

2. Everybody, is a salesman.

3. Words are not reality, only a subjective description thereof.

4. So are numbers.

5. Promises are words, and sometimes so are numbers.

6. Dreams are promises you make to yourself.

7. All we have are dreams. And we are all willing to pay to make them come true.

8. Promises are only met by actions, never by more words.

9. Actions aren't lies. Words are.

10. People believe words, numbers, and promises too easily, when actions -often their own- are always what they need most.

11. Dreams will never come true with words, numbers, or more promises. But rather by simple actions: i. e.: busting your ass. (in this case, busting your ass to be a good photographer. but there isn't much in life i can tell that doesn't apply.)

I say these things because, i feel like i am the only who sees it this way. as my experience tells me, they seem secret to most of the world. At least this world, where the american dream can be sold, promised, and quantified, but never needed to be worked hard to get. I am not very old, and have a lot to learn, but by some fourtunate coincidence, i have learned very plainly, that words never mean as much as they are meant to. My own actions, hard work, and a long time, will be the only thing to change my reality. There are many people who seem not to understand this.

For these reasons, i don't tend to talk much, except in this contraption, about what i do, or what i feel. They are just a description of it anyways. I am not always good at what i do, but i am always better at doing it, or feeling it, than explaining it.

My distrust and caution towards words, both written and spoken; promises, marketing and sales tatics is warranted. Conversly, my understanding is getting painfully clearer that money, and the making of it, is what makes the world go around- and that there is really nothing wrong with that. Even when it comes to promises and dreams. My goals, values, and my perspectives are being challenged and redefined from both ends, and from multiple angles. No one can sell creativity, passion, talent, and drive. Everything else - including skill and education, however, costs money.

And i am busting my ass to understand that.

Posted by Todd Roeth at July 26, 2005 11:42 PM