September 28, 2004
Just Because
have you ever been awe-struck by the sight of someone?" she asked.
"yeah." i said.
"when?" she went on.
"one day when a girl knocked on my grad office door 20 minutes early." i replied. {See: Word of the Day.}
"what was she wearing?" she asked.
I remembered everything. I remembered the color of the hallway and waxed sheen from the academic lighting under the the puma shoes with the tongues carefully sticking out at me from the bottoms of her flared bottom jeans, very much like her attitude towards me. i remembered the safety pins in holding her pants together and her t-shirt that read "Good Things Come In Small Packages." in a condensed Garamound across the chest. She hangs in the gallery of my memory, framed in the hardwood door frame. she spoke 1000 words with saying a thing. she just stood there. standing at the threshold like she was waiting at the starting line on the track, ready to enter the door and begin a great and long race with me.
"...she had belt on made from the bottom of a cut off wife beater." i said, recollecting out loud.
"I looked good, but I didn't understand it." i continued.
"Well, if it looked good, who cares if you don't understand it." she said. Then she smiled contently, as if surprised and proud of herself for what she had said.
I smiled too. i smiled because she was right, and maybe, because she wasn't. and because, she had just hit a nail in my head so squarely, it sunk straight into my mind.
There isn't a day that goes by, or a calorie burned, that some part of me isn't trying to understand what i see. I have been asked to explain what makes something look good and what makes something look bad, and what the difference is. hundreds of times people have asked me why what i do looks the way it does.
and seldom, do i ever have the luxury of answering, "because." in a career of sharing and learning, challenging and defending, and educating about what people see, i need a much more definitive answer than 'because'.
but in truth, it is the only honest answer.
there are frequencies for sound, and gamuts for colors. words too, i feel, have their boundaries for what they can be used for, and even intellectual comprehension has it's limits when competing with your emotions. i have spent the better part of my life thus far learning what makes the things i see look the way they do, and how to make what i do look the way it does.
there is a science behind what i see, and what i make.
there are rules and methods and numbers and ratios.
there is nature too.
there are proportions and symmetries and patterns.
but there is also art.
and art cannot always be understood. but it is always known.
it is outside the range of written words or conscious understanding. it is the belt hung around the girl standing in the hallway. it is the rings around saturn. it is love. and old license plates. it is the radiating shadows of your friends around the campfire. it is the handles of your grandfather's tools, and the pattern left by your dog when it sleeps in tall grass and it is in your little sisters signature.
It is everything i study and try hard to understand and try harder to make. and usually, the better it is, the less i understand it. and the no matter how much I learn, the only way to truly explain it, is to look at it.
"well,what i saw, i liked." i said.
and, like all great art, i don't think i will ever completely understand it.
at best, i can only hope to get to know it.
Posted by Todd Roeth at September 28, 2004 07:27 PMi feel like that when i'm wearing a wife beater too.
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