September 19, 2004

Backseat riding

vin diesel was drop kicking a ninja riding a motorcycle on a 24" letterbox plasma screen. it was shining bright in-between an H2 and a Lincoln navigator limousine. above it was the stop light, dangling down over sunset blvd. like a worm on a hook in a pool piranhas, treading water and waiting for it to turn green. i tried to watch the movie through her hair, and when she shifted uncomfortably on my lap, i shifted my vision to one of the other screens, on the back of either headrest and on the passenger seat visor. when the light turned green the mercedes sedan and it's plasma screens sped ahead and out of sight and i was left sitting still like a worm in the bottom of a tequila bottle in the back seat of a black lexus with leanne, zack -- who was 21 and 45 min. old, a woman in a black bra and fishnet shirt, and her tag along boy toy in a suede driving cap.

we drove through the labyrinth of hollywood, to the whisky a go-go. soon after we went looking for more. we passed up the viper room and i sat under the red lights dangling down from the dark in back seat bass and car exhaust fumes. we went careening past the girls sitting cross legged in the donut shop parking lot and men with hot dog carts in the middle of the habitat of pretty people with plastic parts. we played the standard games with the doormen and their private parties, clipboards, and guest lists and bounced from one velvet rope to the next like prize fighters in the ring, trying to find a joint that would allow 5 men and only 2 women inside the door. past cover charges and weapons checks for the men, we found one last whisky on the rocks before the lights came on, sending everyone to the street curb where one by one they ducked inside shiny black cars and drove off to house parties in the canyon, beverly hills or some other place that kept themselves visible and available to each other.

it was on such a curb that i said goodbye to leanne for the night, and watched her squeeze into a back seat with buttoned down boys and speed off down the blvd. i stood there and watched the smooth and waxy cars slide down the street in both directions, wondering where everyone was going. they were stopping and starting again under the traffic lights. the motion pulsed in both directions in an odd rhythm like a heart murmur in some giant vascular system made of concrete, chrome and leather. and for a minute, i felt like a kid at the county fair watching the carousel of shiny plastic horses going around and around while i waited cash in my ticket for ride that would take me exactly back to where i started.

and like my hollywood carosel ride, i got in the back seat again. and left hollywood in a blur of neon at 50 mph up sunset blvd. i sat alone in the back seat. zack was now 21 and 3 hours old. his head was bobbing back and forth as we curved through beverly hills and up the on ramp to the interstate. welling was asleep in the front seat. carlos pushed the black needle farther around the white panel of the speedometer and set me back in the seat as he entered the darkness on the freeway.

On the way home i slid down low in the leather seat and watched the headlights of the cars on the 405 weave down the hill sides like a lava flow with a halogen glow in the darkness north of Los Angeles. we drove home in silence like four troubadours with our pockets empty and our ears ringing. and like so many nights in so many cities and towns, i scratched and clawed my way though another night, and ended up the same: swapping cash for liquor in plastic glasses, time for experience, sleep for sights, and youth for a better understanding of the business of loneliness and the yearning for excitement that can only be fulfilled by the thought of what other people see when they see you.

i was a backseat rider in the grand and fragile promenade that keeps us from staying at home and out all night on all the boulevards back alleys backseats barstools and late night freeway rides that there are in the world.

as i stared off into the darkness of Los angeles county, i felt like another chip was falling off the heavy block in my mind, leaving a little more of the sculpture to see; a little more of the plan drawn out. a little more of the book read. and there in the dark traveling twice the speed limit the PCH allows, for the first time all night, i finally felt like i was getting somewhere.

Posted by Todd Roeth at September 19, 2004 05:35 AM
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