June 18, 2004
Wondering on the 101
The drivers seat belt buckle didn't work, so before i snapped my in seat-belt, Welling looped his around my clip so when i buckled in, it held both of our bodies in the sheep skin seats should we meet a calamity on the 101.
being connected in this siamese seat belt arrangement was very intimate. every lean or shift on his part was felt like a subtle tug on my hips. and as he accelerated and leaned into the curve on the entry ramp from seaward ave., i felt like a figure skater in the double's competition sliding in a semi circle across the california concrete.
"i can't find the face plate either, so i don't listen to music." he said as he put his sunglasses on and spliced into the traffic and accelerated under the highway sign that read read: 101 North.
Welling is in a ventura death metal band. (they wear ski masks on stage) had the stereo been operational, the music heard would likely have hit me much like the wind blowing through the jeep as we sped north along the ocean to santa barbara.
we drove past the strawberry and mushroom fields and the workers under the fruit trees. i caught a glimpse of the ghosts live inbetween the letters written down by guthrie and stienbeck as they flashed through the rearview mirror. in front of me were brake lights and luxury sedan logos stacked up like soldiers marching ahead of me into the future tense.
later that night, on our return to ventura, welling and i sat silent in sheepskin, siamese seat-belted without a faceplate for awhile. the horizon across the ocean was a subtle change between black and indigo marked by the oil rigs running in a parallel line to the coast. they sat silent across the surface of the sea in both directions as far as i could see. they were lit like luminaries lighting a path along the edge of the pacific at christmas time.
at that particular spot where the water net the land, the california coast arches back east before falling again towards the baja peninsula. multiple plane rides and time changes sometimes distort my perceptions, and highway signs use directions in only 45 degree increments, when rarely in my life am i ever going so squarely in any direction. so my inclination was that we were headed south. the ocean was on my right. but modern cartography, and the thoughts crashing through my head, suggested otherwise.
there riding along the edge of the continent i leaned out the window to my right and tried to locate the north star in the black above the oil rigs. i looked for a frame of reference. i looked for my future tense. i looked for something familiar and constant by which to go by, to find some navigational help. i searched the universe above me. somewhere between there and new york, i wondered, somewhere above nashville that night, my star was burning bright.
as we rolled down the 101 in the dark, i wondered if my path will ever be lit. at least as far i could see, in whatever direction it was headed. i wished my direction was clear and my future tense was understood; at least as far ahead a week or two. i wished what i steered towards wasn't a moving target that was moving farther away. i wished the sky was clear and i could see the stars and what in the world was going on from where i was, heading in my own direction in the dark on the 101.
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