May 30, 2004

twenty five

live moves too fast and it should when i am 25.

i don't sleep much and i think too much about things that don't require a decision. and i should when i am 25. i think about selling out and 401k's or staying true and cobra health plans and i think about democrats and republicans and i think about love and loosing it and success and never having it. i think about making money and buying stuff and i think about it all burning up in an apartment fire. and i should when i am 25. and i love my friends and i forget too much no matter how many pictures i take and how hard i try to remember it all.

and i should when i am 25.

i am taking some advice offered to me, and ignoring even more if it: i am taking advantage of using youth as an excuse for as long as i can. i am relying on a conscious too strong to ever allow myself to take the easy way, to ever give up on it, to ever not think about it, and to be aware than i don't make everyone happy and that i am happy with that.

and i am also sad and frustrated and laughing and loving it. and i am trying to remember it because it is going to fast. and the fuel gauge is busted and i have no idea when it is going to run out of gas. and that is the way it should be when you are a 1973 CJ-5 or when you are 25. i know about both.

it is like one hand in the campfire and the other on a block of ice at the martini bar.

like cat fishing after midnight in ohio and wondering if the ACE train in manhattan is running on time.

like being over dressed for strangers in the truck stop but under dressed for dinner with friends.

like working at MTV and never owning a TV.

like a cooking a candle lit dinner for a beautiful girl with a towel around your waist because you just buried your grandmother's cat in a patch of poison ivy in the dark and had to wash off.

like looking the whole world over and hoping you don't forget where the house you built is so you can go back to it some day when the walls are thick enough and you have slept on enough couches that are sure you know how you want your couch to sit and you have made the right picture to hang on the wall.

it is like being me when you are 25.

Posted by Todd Roeth at May 30, 2004 11:23 AM