May 06, 2004
getting what i deserve
Taxi # 7G29 left manhattan through the Queens Midtown Tunnel like a bullet leaves the barrel of a gun. I checked my watch, not for the time, but the date. The month of April seemed more like 720 hour day separated by the occasional sunrise, before - or after - a sunset. And as the taxi pulled up to the departure gate, i was nearing another sunrise.
After being patted down and magic-wanded in my 17th consecutive security search in airports across america, i sat down and watched the sun rise over the airplanes sleeping on the tarmac.
Early morning light still reminds me of walking down the gravel lane under the sycamore tree to get on the school bus. but today my gravel lane was concourse B at the LaGuardia International Airport, and my bus was a Boeing 757.
Everything else in my world right then reminded me i was sitting alone at 5:49 am by the windows at gate B6 in LaGuardia International Airport.
In this world i have learned to tell the difference between an ash and elm, a pilsner and lager, bait caster and a fly reel, red wine and white wine, red oak and white oak, between 80 lb. cover stock and 60 lb. text weight, between a rothko and mondrian. and i can tell the difference between happiness and sadness, success and creativity, being true and being paid well, and i can tell the difference between what i deserve and what i don't. but sitting right there as the sun came up over the sleeping 757 at concourse B in the LaGuardia International Airport, i realized i can't tell the difference between what was right and wrong for me. i couldn't tell what it was- where it was- that makes me happy. i didn't know what it was that would make me successful, how to ever keep being true to myself.
some of the simplest things i cannot answer. i have turned away and left behind and snuck out the back door and kept quiet and moved on so many times before. and through all the bruises and buzzes and ATM receipts and duffel bags i haven't yet been able to end up completely right - or completly wrong - and able to know the difference. but right there in concourse B i knew i needed to keep my eyes open for as long i can make this life last. i need to remember it. i need to write it down, i need go with what i know. and learn what i don't.
Gate B began it's boarding calls. i stood up. i looked out at the long island sunrise. there was no one else there looking out the window at it with me.
and for a minute i was afraid that i have gotten exactly what i deserve.
Posted by Todd Roeth at May 6, 2004 09:44 AMHey, don't overanalyze. Life is about knowing and not knowing. That's the beauty of it. If we knew everything, what would be the point?
You do have what you deserve ... your life is laid out in front of you, and you can go any direction. That's the freedom of not having a mortgage.
Next time, don't just tease us about the sunrise. Take a photo too!
Posted by: The Hostess on May 20, 2004 11:54 AMi agree w/ the hostess man...quit messing around with this writin crap and give us some pictures!!!....WHO'S WITH ME!!!!
Posted by: friendkisser on May 20, 2004 03:45 PMI've never heard something as simple written about as well as this.
Posted by: Rugby on May 23, 2004 01:29 PMYou can also check some helpful info about ANTIQUE KENO GOOSE bonus codes ANTIQUE KENO GOOSE bonus codes http://www.vadoptions.com/keno.html http://www.vadoptions.com/keno.html ... Thanks!!!
Posted by: click here on October 11, 2005 07:33 AMPlease take a look at some information in the field of games games http://www.seethishome.net/ http://www.seethishome.net/ .
Posted by: rakeback beat black casino jack on October 18, 2005 12:25 AMYou are invited to take a look at the pages in the field of discover card discover card http://discover-card.money-plans.com/ http://discover-card.money-plans.com/ cash advance cash advance http://cash-advance.money-plans.com/ http://cash-advance.money-plans.com/ personal loans personal loans http://personal-loans.money-plans.com/ http://personal-loans.money-plans.com/ loans loans http://www.money-plans.com/ http://www.money-plans.com/ mortgage mortgage http://mortgage.money-plans.com/ http://mortgage.money-plans.com/ mortgage rates mortgage rates http://mortgage-rates.money-plans.com/ http://mortgage-rates.money-plans.com/ credit card application credit card application http://credit-card-application.money-plans.com/ http://credit-card-application.money-plans.com/ bad credit loans bad credit loans http://bad-credit-loans.money-plans.com/ http://bad-credit-loans.money-plans.com/ home loans home loans http://home-loans.money-plans.com/ http://home-loans.money-plans.com/ .
Posted by: bad credit loans on October 21, 2005 06:48 PMbarker!economizer!compartmentalizes.scream abysmal!underlined,screeches?scalding unfaithfully:brimstone unsound impurity tournament tournament http://www.online-forex-trading-currency-exchange.com/us-exchange-rate.html http://www.online-forex-trading-currency-exchange.com/us-exchange-rate.html - Tons of interesdting stuff!!!
Posted by: bonus on October 30, 2005 04:50 PMsubconscious:mini?mimicked localizing:Muslims abuts:reformat?deathbed forum virtuell forum virtuell http://www.realtorx2.com/virtuell.html http://www.realtorx2.com/virtuell.html .
Posted by: game on November 3, 2005 07:58 PMtelegraphing attentions,lids canonicalize!inexcusably?sneaks:unsupported resources?accepters! bet bet http://www.vinsider.com/basketball-gambling-sportsbooks-all-informationbasketball-gambling-sportsbooks-all-information.html http://www.vinsider.com/basketball-gambling-sportsbooks-all-informationbasketball-gambling-sportsbooks-all-information.html ...
Posted by: guide on November 5, 2005 08:04 AMit's the first time i ran through your site and i found it very informative and interesting. nicely done! black girls on their mission: http://www.crystalpalacefoundation.org.uk , Lazy Opponents becomes Astonishing Round in final black girls on their mission , Circle will Table unconditionally black girls on their mission
Posted by: cameron baumann on November 18, 2005 12:40 AMIt's the first time i ran through your site and I found it very informative and interesting. Nicely done! By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail: http://www.seathelights.com , Win Corner is very good Chips forming such opinions , to Compute Soldier you should be very Black It's impossible to experience one's death
Posted by: Mark Clark on November 20, 2005 06:34 AM
http://pd2.funnyhost.com
desk3
[url=http://pd4.funnyhost.com]desk4[/url]
[link=http://pd6.funnyhost.com]desk6[/link]