(See what I am saying?): Avenues only go one way

May 01, 2004

Avenues only go one way

5th avenue runs up the island like a lateral line on a fish, and serves very much the same purpose. we walked up that line like two tightrope walkers in a circus act. They say when you are up high, not to look down or you will fall. walking up fifth avenue, the same applied to my life.

Summer was coming and the buds at the end of the tree branches in madison square park shined bright red like a million pin pricks in my heart. we were young and lived fast and impulsive. it made our conversation slow and cautious. and on 5th avenue, i found many things in common with my life:

Everyone else was walking in the other direction as me.

There were too many places that looked exciting and interesting to stop and check out along the walk.

The signs and people and stores reminded me there were too many ideas to consider, ways to live, and possibilities to pursue to ever feel entirely true about any of them.

all of which made it hard to hold onto her hand.

You cannot forget things once you see them. and on 5th ave. when summer is almost here, you see a lot. for the first time in my life i thought that maybe i has seen too much. too much to be positive about what is right and wrong. too much to be sure that where i was and where i should be. too much to ever stop and think that i had seen enough.

Avenues only go one way. So does life. and trying to make it any different is a hard thing to do.

but on my map i can change my direction. and the idea of life sold in the store front windows and on the magazine stands and in the songs being played in the coffee shops show me their way. they are beautiful, and they are sexy, and they are exciting, and some are even almost real. but they are still only one way. and none of them- all of them - are my way. my life and its style is not a gum-glued tear out special advertising section in the middle of a magazine. my life is not always well lit. i am not retouched. i am not in a perpetual sunset on the perfect plane of the pacific ocean. i am not under a studio soft-box. i am under all light and darkness in this world and it is sometimes harsh and very hard to live in.

i have things that are strange and hard to deal with. and i have things no one else will ever see and never be able to try on in sleek store front shops, heard with bouncing back beat soundtracks, or in glossy magazines. i have happiness and i have sadness. i have adventure.
and i have beautiful people
in all their ways -
and real ideas
in all their directions-
that are in my life that make up the glossy magazine spread in my head.

I don't think life ever stops moving on fifth avenue in new york city.

i am sure it won't stop for me.

Posted by Todd Roeth at May 1, 2004 03:35 PM

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