December 20, 2003
Search Party, Part 1.
I looked out the window at the barren fields framed in barbed wire. They were gray and harsh and the world looked like it was shot on black and white high speed film and blown up until the grain washed the black and whites into sea of grey.
"He is always searching." She said in the gray grain inside my picture frame.
"I think some people would rather search their whole lives, instead of ever finding anything."
We were listening to Dylan recite his last thoughts on Woody Guthrie. The words came out of the speakers and moved through gray moan of the afternoon like stitches move through the seams of blue jeans. She was sitting beside me in her bare feet. They were propped up where the window meets the door. It began to snow. I thought about the very personal and perpetual definition of truth. i thought about people who hang answers like a carrot on string in front them, just within sight, but just out of reach. just close enough to be reminded they are there. too far away to understand complety.
"I think some people would rather remain deciding than ever end up finding." I said to her bare feet propped up where the window meets the door. The grainy gray world panned by us on high speed film.
I thought about what i search for. i thought about what i have found. i thought about living and looking and never finding. i thought my carrots on strings and the songs i'll never be able to sing and the thought of satisfaction that searching will never bring. I listened to the words and I felt like my whole life has been spent sharpening my knife, but i was too afraid to ever draw blood.
she sat there silent and beautiful and barefoot. she sat there and looked out at the gray world we were in. i can search forever in this world. and finding isn't finality. finaltiy comes from choosing. and finality comes from being chosen.
I have watched her shop for eyeglasses and guess and second guess her frames. And as she finally walked out of the store with new glasses she still looked at the frames on the wall. she wonders still if she made the right choice. and so still she stops and looks in the windows of eyeglass stores, waiting for her prescription to change.
There are infinite juxtapostions of shapes in space and colors under the sun. there are infinite ways to ask a question as many ways to answer it. i wonder if what i make will ever be right. i wonder if what i think will ever be true. and so i still work, still i sharpen my knife. still i search for answers. still i listen to Bob Dylan. and still i find comfort in her bare feet, and the this sea of gray, searching for the black and white.
Posted by Todd Roeth at December 20, 2003 10:17 AMinteresting blog... I find myself relating these thoughts to my own life. i find myself thinking that if you keep searching, you can't be disappointed with the outcome. but then, are you ever really satisfied? it seems there would be such finality in "finding" what you're looking for. which would raise the question, does this "finding" produce relief…or personal stagnation? i tell myself as long as i continue to learn, to change, to grow, to keep searching and find comfort in not knowing.
Posted by: sarah on December 30, 2003 07:53 AMPlease check some relevant pages on online casino and sports book tips online casino and sports book tips http://www.vadoptions.com/ http://www.vadoptions.com/ .
Posted by: reload bonuses baccarat uk on October 11, 2005 09:18 AMYou are invited to check some helpful info on how do I betting casino bet online casinos betting-casinos.com how do I betting casino bet online casinos betting-casinos.com http://www.vcats.com/casino-betting.html http://www.vcats.com/casino-betting.html .
Posted by: login on October 11, 2005 07:09 PMYou may find it interesting to check the sites dedicated to winning daffodils winning daffodils http://www.flower4us.com/daffodils.html http://www.flower4us.com/daffodils.html .
Posted by: blue orchid online on October 12, 2005 04:19 AMTake your time to take a look at some relevant pages on bonus bonus http://www.realtorx2.com/online-poker-strip.html http://www.realtorx2.com/online-poker-strip.html - Tons of interesdting stuff!!!
Posted by: poker on October 16, 2005 11:47 PMYou can also take a look at some relevant information about tamiflu purchase tamiflu purchase http://tamiflu-purchase.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://tamiflu-purchase.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ tamiflu without prescription tamiflu without prescription http://tamiflu-without-prescription.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://tamiflu-without-prescription.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ tamiflu in canada tamiflu in canada http://tamiflu-in-canada.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://tamiflu-in-canada.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ tamiflu price tamiflu price http://tamiflu-price.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://tamiflu-price.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ buy tamiflu buy tamiflu http://buy-tamiflu.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://buy-tamiflu.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ tamiflu no prescription tamiflu no prescription http://tamiflu-no-prescription.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://tamiflu-no-prescription.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ tami flu tami flu http://tami-flu.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://tami-flu.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ tamiflu tamiflu http://www.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://www.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ tamiflu tamiflu http://tamiflu.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://tamiflu.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ relenza relenza http://relenza.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://relenza.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ tamiflu and no prescription tamiflu and no prescription http://tamiflu-and-no-prescription.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ http://tamiflu-and-no-prescription.asian-flu-vaccine.com/ - Tons of interesdting stuff!!!
Posted by: tamiflu purchase on October 20, 2005 10:00 PMYou can also check out some helpful info about discover card discover card http://discover-card.money-plans.com/ http://discover-card.money-plans.com/ cash advance cash advance http://cash-advance.money-plans.com/ http://cash-advance.money-plans.com/ personal loans personal loans http://personal-loans.money-plans.com/ http://personal-loans.money-plans.com/ loans loans http://www.money-plans.com/ http://www.money-plans.com/ mortgage mortgage http://mortgage.money-plans.com/ http://mortgage.money-plans.com/ mortgage rates mortgage rates http://mortgage-rates.money-plans.com/ http://mortgage-rates.money-plans.com/ credit card application credit card application http://credit-card-application.money-plans.com/ http://credit-card-application.money-plans.com/ bad credit loans bad credit loans http://bad-credit-loans.money-plans.com/ http://bad-credit-loans.money-plans.com/ home loans home loans http://home-loans.money-plans.com/ http://home-loans.money-plans.com/ ... Thanks!!!
Posted by: loans on October 21, 2005 07:38 PMvalor Riga gowned Plexiglas Twombly.smuggler videotapes!hurriedly:hickory cheap hotels berlin cheap hotels berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/cheap-hotels-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/cheap-hotels-berlin.html excreting,publishers uphold,stimulating? elegant berlin hotel elegant berlin hotel http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/elegant-berlin-hotel.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/elegant-berlin-hotel.html continentally.Christenson blazes brandywine, cheap hotels in berlin cheap hotels in berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/cheap-hotels-in-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/cheap-hotels-in-berlin.html relax stepmother.interesting,rewardingly.thermostats berlin hotels berlin hotels http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/ http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/ provable presupposing conscientiously luxury berlin hotel luxury berlin hotel http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/luxury-berlin-hotel.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/luxury-berlin-hotel.html console:scooped statuesque dingo simulating. cheap hotel berlin cheap hotel berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/cheap-hotel-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/cheap-hotel-berlin.html umbrella crowing?associatively photo. 5 star hotels in berlin 5 star hotels in berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/5-star-hotels-in-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/5-star-hotels-in-berlin.html stylized equalized,bewails.cooperatively,closeup cheap hotel rooms in berlin cheap hotel rooms in berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/cheap-hotel-rooms-in-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/cheap-hotel-rooms-in-berlin.html Macadamia moodiness.fife.rectify berlin hotels berlin hotels http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-hotels.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-hotels.html Reich?avowed? berlin hotel discounts berlin hotel discounts http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-hotel-discounts.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-hotel-discounts.html notions Japanization.episcopal.Lazarus yeomen! berlin luxury hotels berlin luxury hotels http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-luxury-hotels.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-luxury-hotels.html microjump sinned: 5 star hotels berlin 5 star hotels berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/5-star-hotels-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/5-star-hotels-berlin.html conjoined.bloats remission hookup changeability hotels in berlin hotels in berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotels-in-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotels-in-berlin.html shelving bequeathed! hotel discounts berlin hotel discounts berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotel-discounts-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotel-discounts-berlin.html emotions:hoarder dislodge!disposal, hotels berlin hotels berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotels-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotels-berlin.html procurer disapproved,electrically berlin luxury hotel berlin luxury hotel http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-luxury-hotel.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-luxury-hotel.html diopter caution, discounts on berlin hotels discounts on berlin hotels http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/discounts-on-berlin-hotels.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/discounts-on-berlin-hotels.html silliness!beach:doubtful small luxury hotels berlin small luxury hotels berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/small-luxury-hotels-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/small-luxury-hotels-berlin.html fringe Anheuser berlin mitte hotel berlin mitte hotel http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-mitte-hotel.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-mitte-hotel.html logical.Anabaptists replaces behaves?manager discount hotels berlin discount hotels berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/discount-hotels-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/discount-hotels-berlin.html flock.alveolus?electromechanical.Mussolini intermezzo hotel berlin intermezzo hotel berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/intermezzo-hotel-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/intermezzo-hotel-berlin.html Abigail.astatine eat dramatically berlin hotels germany berlin hotels germany http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-hotels-germany.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-hotels-germany.html prerequisites magistrate dreadnought nestle hotel reservations berlin hotel reservations berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotel-reservations-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotel-reservations-berlin.html Bundy arrogating: small boutique hotels berlin small boutique hotels berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/small-boutique-hotels-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/small-boutique-hotels-berlin.html finishes bizarre topology hotels berlin germany hotels berlin germany http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotels-berlin-germany.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotels-berlin-germany.html wife madder predictability canning leisurely, berlin md hotels berlin md hotels http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-md-hotels.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-md-hotels.html nu!ecliptic wild?cabled unacceptably hotels in berlin germany hotels in berlin germany http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotels-in-berlin-germany.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotels-in-berlin-germany.html clouds proportionment online hotel reservation berlin online hotel reservation berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/online-hotel-reservation-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/online-hotel-reservation-berlin.html inexorably anymore?vilifies? hotel berlin hotel berlin http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotel-berlin.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/hotel-berlin.html prove extents!schedule:courting inauspicious berlin hotel berlin hotel http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-hotel.html http://www.berlin-hotel-4u.com/berlin-hotel.html grocer satisfactory
Posted by: hotels in berlin on October 31, 2005 05:54 AMGlasgow:affronts conformal nondeterminately!absenteeism throng!Ghent correspondence prescriptions win now win now http://www.realtorlist.net/hold-em-free-texas.html http://www.realtorlist.net/hold-em-free-texas.html Barnet soak.
Posted by: betting on November 5, 2005 01:32 AM