(See what I am saying?): The Albany separation

November 25, 2003

The Albany separation

I open my eyes. For a minute i thought the world had laid down on its side. And i was jealous of it. The sun shown sideways into the train and passed out the other side. I had been sitting upright for 28 hours and wished i could lie down like the sun. The train passed through the bare forest and the tree limbs grasped like bony fingers into the vacant sky.

The train was coming into Albany. The conductor said to remain seated as preparation for separation began. The front half was leaving us for Boston. I would remain here for New York. It was the most painless separation i have ever undergone, and as i stepped out onto the yellow line, I watched the severed front of the train roll into the ochre light shining sideways on its aluminum ribs i wished all separations were so easy.

Four months earlier, she came up the escalator and through the glass doors from the platform like my favorite record from the jukebox. She was bright and clean and everything else there was so dark and cold. This time i ran up the staircase alone and walked through the crowd remembering her and her backpack and finding myself thinking of her like i think of childhood, like cherry trees, and everything i wish was closer to me.

Bloodshot eyes stared at me in the mirror. Liquid hand soap, automatic flush toilets, and over filled trash cans are my newest memories of the Albany train station, but they are not my fondest.

I walked back on the train as the sun finally rolled over on the horizon and went to sleep. I wished i could do the same.

Posted by Todd Roeth at November 25, 2003 03:54 PM

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