March 09, 2003

hitchhiking through memory

sam was sitting in the back seat talking. i was talking back into the windshield like sam was my invisible conscious.

[i am finding that driving is another oppurtuntiy to show proof of the volitivity of an idle mind ]

We were returning from a class documentary project where we interveiwed a couple who had both had cancer. I was thinking about one thing the wife said in particular. "The most important part of living is the relationships you have with people important to you."

We also talked about hitchhiking. Sam told me of his travels to Washington DC by way of his thumb. And i told him of the best day i ever had: My 23rd birthday when stephey i and woke up on top of the contiental U.S. and ended with hitchhiking from Leadville to Brekenridge with a whitewater rafter named steve who was listening to John Denver and headed to the steamboat bluegrass festival, while my jeep sat in a snowfield at 13,000' on mosquito pass, until we returned the following morning and spent our 4th of july almost 3 miles high digging my ride out of the snow (which had, and still has, a partially torn off bumper from the mountian man trying to pull it out). I told sam how good it is to truly live adventures and how great it is to live them with friends.

"The most important part of living is the relationships you have with people important to you."

We talked about the mountians and snowboarding. " i would like to go snowboarding with you sometime." Sam said. "When i came to denver last year we never ended up getting together on the mountian."

i remember the call. 5:00 am 2 winter's ago. the yellow curtain is what i remember most about that bedroom on 32nd ave. in denver. It was what i was staring at as sam talked to me through the phone. " We are on our way to Keystone. Meet us there later."

2 years later driving down a windy road in vinton county ohio that same voice was talking to me in the back seat.

i will never remember what i did that day instead of meeting sam to snowboard. All I can remember that as i hung up the phone that moring i was sure that what i was going to do instead was a worthy way to spend a sunday.

i suddenly realized that i will never know where my life will take me. I never imagined that i would be here. that sam would be in the back seat. i suddenly realized that shared memories trascend time. and space. i suddenly realized that how much more that day would have meant to both of us if i had met him to snowboard together, and how much it would still mean today driving down a curvy road in vinton county ohio. i suddenly realized memories are all i have. And that they will continue to be food for an interesting life long after they are made.

But i didn't go. and instead of a memory that we could haved shared today, I have nothing. What did i do that day? go buy something. go to work. do something i thought was important. but i didn't do anything that i will ever remember. so all i could say to sam was: " we'll get together next time."

"The most important part of living is the relationships you have with people important to you."

i can remember every breath of every minute of that day with stephey. Even the breaths that we had to work hard to get. I remember the sunrise through the tent and it's reflection in twin lakes. I remeber the guy who worked at the leadville cycle shop we met at the top of mt. elbert, and him unlocking the back door the that cycle shop later that day to let us use the phone. I remember every bump in the road and every story told riding back down the pass in the mountian man's orange izusu trooper. I remeber the mosquitos in the aspen trees, the blood on my knees, and the taste of the beer at the boomtown brewpub. I remember, and still have, the paper placemat from quincy's steak house stephey used to make a sign he held up along rt. 24 that reads "TO BRECK"....

and i remember nothing of the day i didn't meet up with sam. and it took 2 years and many hundred miles to understand the difference between them.

"The most important part of living is the relationships you have with people important to you."

Posted by Todd Roeth at March 9, 2003 11:17 PM